Driving yourself
Your own car is private and lets you leave when you like. Scout parking close to the venue and keep a pair of flats in the car, because driving in heels is a pain and a long walk in them is worse.
Going out dressed
First Date En Femme: Step Out and Turn Heads
Where to go, how to get there and how to have a ball once you're out.
Plan It and the Nerves Take a Back Seat
A first date en femme runs smoothly with a plan: a busy, queer-friendly public spot, an easy way there and home, a mate who knows where you are, and a date you've already chatted with and seen on a video call. Keep it to a drink or a meal. If it's going well, there's always a second round.
Nervous? Course you are. It's a big night. Agree the plan in messages, from the venue to the time, so nothing catches you off guard when you walk in. Then do your face, pick the frock and go and have some fun. Still hunting for the date? Browse crossdressers near me, and give your profile a polish with our profile tips first.
Pick a Place That Welcomes a Bit of Sparkle
For a first meet you want busy enough to feel safe and relaxed enough to talk. A café or a hotel lounge in daylight is the easy start. Fancy a night out instead? Queer venues in the big cities are a natural fit, because drag is a regular on the bill and a frock and heels are business as usual.
Want dinner with a show? The Imperial in Erskineville runs Drag & Dine on Friday and Saturday nights. In Melbourne, DT's Hotel in Richmond has been an all-inclusive queer pub for more than 20 years, with drag, karaoke and trivia to break the ice.
Trans-Friendly Bars, City by City
Searching for "transvestite bars near me" or "TS bars in Melbourne"? Start with these. Nights and line-ups change, so look at the venue's own listings before you go.
| City | Venue | What's on |
|---|---|---|
| Sydney | Universal, Oxford St | Drag and cabaret seven nights a week |
| Melbourne | Sircuit Bar, Fitzroy | Drag Thursday to Sunday |
| Brisbane | The Wickham, Fortitude Valley | Queer pub since the 1980s, drag and DJs |
| Adelaide | Mary's Poppin, Synagogue Place | Drag and club nights, Friday and Saturday |
| Perth | Connections, Northbridge | Drag and cabaret, open since 1975 |
| Gold Coast | Hairy Mary's, Mermaid Beach | Drag events at an LGBTQIA+ venue |
| Newcastle | Bernie's Bar, Newcastle West | Club nights, Friday and Saturday |
Our city pages go further, with more venues and daytime first-meet spots, from Melbourne to Perth.
Getting there
Arrive Looking a Million Bucks
The trip is often the bit that rattles you. Plan it and it shrinks.
Rideshare and public transport
A rideshare door to door is the easy middle ground. On trains and buses, sit near other people, keep your phone charged and know when the last service home leaves.
Getting changed on the way
Can't leave home dressed? Book a hotel room for the night and get ready there, or change at a trusted mate's place. Nobody wants a quick change in a servo loo.
Stay Safe, Have a Ball
- Check they're real. Look for a verified badge and suggest a quick video call before you meet.
- Tell a mate. Send a friend the venue, your date's profile and your live location, and agree a safe word in case you need a rescue call.
- Make your own way. Arrive and leave under your own steam, and keep your address to yourself for now.
- Mind your drink. Order it yourself and keep it in your hand.
- Stick to the plan. If your date pushes to swap the busy bar for somewhere quiet or out of the way, say no. eSafety warns about exactly this move.
- Leave when you like. You don't owe anyone a second hour. "Thanks, I've had fun" covers it.
Know Your Rights in Heels
If a stranger makes a comment, don't bite. Move away, find a staff member and let them handle it. If you ever feel unsafe, call 000. If the problem is your date, leave, then block and report them on the site so the moderators can act.
The law's on your side, too. Since 1 August 2013, the federal Sex Discrimination Act 1984 has made discrimination on the ground of gender identity unlawful in areas such as goods and services, and its definition covers a person's gender-related appearance and mannerisms. In plain English, a bar generally can't refuse to serve you because you're dressed en femme. How that applies on a given night is a legal question, but complaints go to the Australian Human Rights Commission, and every state and territory has its own anti-discrimination body as well.
More on staying safe online and off is on our safety page, and the rest of our guides cover what comes before and after.
Nervous About the Big Night? Read This
Where should I go on my first date en femme?
Somewhere busy and public: a café or hotel lounge by day, or a queer venue with drag on at night, such as Universal in Sydney or The Wickham in Brisbane.
What should I wear on a first date en femme?
Something that makes you feel a million bucks and that you can actually walk in. Break the heels in first and pack a pair of flats. Our clothes and shoes guide covers sizes, and our makeup tips help your face last the night.
Can a venue refuse to serve me because I'm dressed en femme?
Generally not. Since 1 August 2013 the federal Sex Discrimination Act has made gender identity discrimination unlawful, and its definition includes gender-related appearance. Complaints go to the Australian Human Rights Commission.
Should I travel dressed or get changed there?
Whatever feels right. Driving dressed keeps it private. If you can't leave home dressed, a hotel room or a mate's place gives you somewhere to get ready and change back.
What if my date isn't who they said they were?
Don't hang about to be polite. Leave, get home safe, then block and report the profile so the moderators can look into it. A video call before you meet heads off the worst surprises.